Frequently Asked Questions

For survivors: 

• Advocacy to give survivors options to navigate their difficult choices. Request an Advocate.
• We offer limited counseling and can recommend additional resources
• Support Groups (Online and Nationwide)
• Healing Retreats

For Helpers: 

• Educational events for churches, counselors, people helpers, family, friends, etc
• Advocacy Training
• Support Group Leader Training
• Church Partnerships – walking alongside churches with active domestic abuse cases
• Online Resources

We have an emergency fund which covers the cost of crisis counseling and at times other practical assistance like medical bills, rent, utilities, transportation, groceries, and childcare to survivors who have long term connections to CTPM.  We also offer scholarships to any survivors who cannot afford our events or materials.  At Christmas, we partner with community volunteers to help single moms and their children have presents under the tree.  Unfortunately, we cannot provide help with legal fees.

At CTPM we do believe that abusive men can change; however, it tends to be quite rare for a few reasons.

1. Ineffective intervention. Often, well-meaning counselors and pastors approach domestic abuse as a marital problem (it’s not), and put undue pressure on the victims to save the marriage. This usually just fuels abusers’ tendency to blame their spouses for everything.
2. Even with expert help, abusive people are often unwilling to give up their desire to be in control. Beneath the desire for control, we find that most abusive people operate out of a sense of pride and entitlement. They believe it is their right to mistreat their spouses and even view them as inferior.

To learn more about abuser intervention, click here.

Intervention should be done with caution and sensitivity. There are very few instances where this ends well for all parties involved. In most cases, if not handled properly, this can create more isolation for the victim, or even the complete shutting off of your relationship. Watch the video below, check out our resource page, and contact us to learn more about how to help your loved ones.

To learn more about how to help or hurt a victim, click here.

A. Be prepared that your church may not understand initially and resist the urge to lash out in anger or over explain yourself. This will likely cause an undereducated church to view you in a negative light or as part of the problem.
B. Contact us to be connected with an advocate. (link) Our trained advocates can help you prepare for your meeting, and possibly attend to assist you.
C. Contact our Church Partnership Program at churchpartners@calledtopeace.org. A Church Partnership Liaison will contact you to discuss setting up a meeting with your church.
D. When meeting with your pastor/church

1. 1. Give educational information about abuse. Use resources from people they trust.  They will be more willing to listen to pastors or teachers they already respect. (Church Intervention Playlist)
   2. Document abuse in a secure/safe way if possible.
   3. Avoid vague terms and general language when describing abuse.  Use concrete, specific language to describe abusive behavior (ie. What specific words/phrases does he use? What does he do when he’s angry? How does he exert control over you?
   4. Be clear and specific about what you need from the pastor and the church. (Do you need help with housing, child care, other practical resources, protection, etc? Video: How to Approach your Pastor (Jim Upchurch)

E. Even with the best preparation, there are no guarantees your church will understand.  If your church is causing you more harm than good, it may be time to consider other options.

Click here to read how one survivor was deeply hurt by how the church mistreated her after she reported domestic abuse.