Lately I feel like a ball of weakness. It’s amazing how much aging can change your perspective. When I was young, I thought I was so smart and so wise. These days all I can see is my weakness. Honestly, if it weren’t for your grace Lord, I think I would be completely depressed. You are the reason I get up each day, and the reason I move forward. Knowing You brings joy to my heart in spite of circumstances and in spite of my limitations. I love Paul’s declaration that your strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), because that means there is unlimited potential here! I need You so desperately! As the deer pants for the water, so I long for you (Ps. 42:1). King David often called himself poor (or afflicted) and needy (Ps. 70:5, 86:1), and I know exactly what he meant. Life is hard, and in my estimation impossible without You. I guess I could pretend to have control and to just go on like half the world does, trying to find meaning in the meaningless. Actually, no I couldn’t! Meaning is found in the One who created life, and everything else comes up empty for me. Thank You for adopting me as your child! Thank You for giving meaning to an otherwise meaningless existence. Thank You for giving strength to the weak, and hope to the hopeless. You are all I need in this world, and need is a weak word. I am truly desperate for You! Today Lord, I am frustrated beyond words, and I understand that right now, I am surely not handling this trial in the Spirit. Frustration is not a fruit of the Spirit, but peace and joy are. That tells me that I have allowed circumstances to rule me rather than You. It means I am not walking in the Spirit, but in the flesh. Forgive me. I know there is something You want to teach me here. I know that You are calling me to change too. You are calling me to put this burden in your hands and leave it there. I love a quote I read in Draw the Circle yesterday that we are to work like it depends on us, and pray like it depends on God. I’ve been praying and acting, but I have also been taking this thing back upon my self on a daily basis. Each time, I allow anxiety to overtake me it means I’m looking to flesh, rather than You, for the answer. It means that even though I am praying for an answer, I am actually seeing this situation as impossible. Nothing is impossible with You Lord! I know there have been situations that it took a long time for me to see an answer, but You have always answered. Lord, right now rather than praying for an answer, I am asking for grace and peace to stop allowing frustration to rule. Give me wisdom on what actions I should take, and then help me to leave it in your hands. Help me walk in the Spirit today and every day until this trial is resolved. Help me to stop taking the burden back upon myself, and to move forward determined to praise You in spite of circumstances. You are worthy no matter what I face! There is nothing on earth or in heaven that can separate me from your love (Rom. 8:38-39), so help me to rest in that fact rather than flail anxiously about like I am a helpless orphan. You have everything in your loving hands, and You have a good plan. Now I choose to trust You to see it through, and I choose to refuse to let frustration rule my heart. Even when I don’t understand, I will praise You. Amen
Dear Child, that “source of frustration” is also my child, and while I will never violate human will, I am at work. Remember how stubborn you were? Yet, I managed to reach and change you. I know it took many years, and that you are not willing to wait years for this situation to change, but your change was not a sudden thing. It came in small steps over the course of many years. Sure there were times of more dramatic growth in times of trial, but I was always at work. When I begin a good work in a life, I am faithful to complete it (Ph. 1:6). Do you believe I am at work? If you are seeing this situation as impossible, then apparently you do not. Nothing is impossible for those who believe (Mt. 17:20). Do not let a lack of faith occur in any part of your life. Remember that faith is also a fruit of the Spirit, and without it you cannot please me (Gal.5:22, Heb. 11:6). This is not only a lesson in walking in the Spirit, but one in walking by faith. You have said that my calling on your life seems impossible, yet you are moving towards it. So here you have another seemingly impossible situation. Will you trust Me to turn it around, or will you continue to try and take the reins from my hands? If you can’t trust me for this, will you be able to trust me for something that seems so much bigger? In fact, this situation is actually just a smaller version of the scores you plan to handle each year. The one who is faithful in the small things is also faithful in much (Lk. 16:10). Are you full of faith or full of doubt right now? Examine yourself (2 Cor. 15:5)! Are you standing in faith? Do you see dear child? This is a lesson in faith. As soon as you pass this test, we can move onto weightier matters. However, I am not asking you to muster up something from within yourself, I am asking you to try Me and prove Me. This is not difficult my child. Nothing is too difficult for Me (Jer. 32:17), but in your own power it surely is. Have faith and I will surely accomplish more than you ever could. My strength will be made perfect in your weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). Every day, even every moment, you must choose to have faith. Choose to have faith and this mountain will be removed (Mk. 11:23).